


In the Beginning... [OUTDATED]

by multi_fan_writing



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Dark Side, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Sweetheart, Deceit Sanders loves Virgil and you can't tell me he doesn't care about him fight me, Deceit is a main character in this one bois, Former Dark Side Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Growing Up, Horomones suck and it makes everything more difficult for everyone, Kid Thomas Sanders, M/M, Remus wears crocs, Sympathetic Deceit Week, The struggles of growing up are real in this one, Unnamed dark sides
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 17:58:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19835557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multi_fan_writing/pseuds/multi_fan_writing
Summary: "When Virgil first opened his eyes, he hadn't realized how terrifying everything would end up being."A story about Virgil's journey as a dark side, his connections with Deceit and Remus, to one as a light side, meeting Patton and accepting himself as well as letting the others accept him.[ REMAKE ON THE WAY / MADE ]





	In the Beginning... [OUTDATED]

When Virgil first opened his eyes, he hadn't realized how terrifying everything would end up being. Everything was dark, a wide empty room that felt almost infinite in nature, and when he finally pushed himself up with his gangly limbs he felt an ache in his chest.

It was a weight, pressing down on him and making it harder to breathe as he swiveled around this way and that in hopes to see something, anything.

Nothing.

Virgil froze in place before he fell back down once again, curling up and clenching tightly at his hair as he tried to think. Who was he? Where was he?

What was he?

"HELLO!"

The small boy let out a terrified scream that echoed around him in bursts as he flailed about, hoping to hit whatever had shouted in his ear but to no avail. He whipped around on the floor, eyes wide and something dark beginning to streak down his cheeks the longer he stared at the nothing around him.

There was a tap to his shoulder, and he let out another scream, this time actually whacking something in his panic. He heard a hiss, and Virgil's head snapped around so he could look at the source of the noise, only to find another boy there.

He looked like he was 12 years old, but didn't seem to have minded the slap, waving his hand around as if it would make whatever pain he felt disappear and grinning wildly, the fake mustache on his face crooked.

"You're new! Nice eyeshadow, really adds to the nightmare aesthetic we all have! Must be from all that emo that Roman has been having Thomas listen to!"

Virgil felt completely drained of any energy at that moment, too many questions clouding his head, and the fashion disaster before him seemed to sense it, his grin only growing.

"Oh! Of course, you must not have a clue what's going on! I'd be happy to explain it, but the giant snake monster might scold me for that!"

At the sound of the words 'monster' and 'snake', Virgil leapt to his feet and began to spin around again as if he would see it, only stopping when the other boy let out a roar of laughter. He turned to look at his companion, taking in his appearance more thoroughly and flinching at the sight of grey streaks in his hair and scrapes on his knees.

"You're much too funny to keep down here alone!" He chirped, reaching out and grabbing Virgil with ease. "What are you anyway? We've got a few weirdos before but considering you have a more full form than them I'm guessing you'll be here a while!"

"What?" Virgil managed to croak, trying to wrench away and only feeling the weight in his chest grow heavier as the boy's grip tightened. "I don't... understand-?"

"COME ON! Surely you had a word pop into your mind the moment you got here! What ARE you?"

That question made everything around Virgil feel colder, and the word from earlier screamed and burned at the forefront of his mind at that moment.

"Anxiety," He said, the word pushed from his lips in an automatic response. Virgil felt in his bones that if he was asked again, he'd feel the same force to respond. "I am... Anxiety."

The other boy paused, smile freezing on his face as he seemed to process the word, mouthing it out a few times for good measure. Then, his grip grew even tighter as he dragged him close with gleaming eyes.

"Anxiety," He murmured. "Welcome to your new home."

* * *

Remus, as Virgil would later find out the boys name was, was known as The Duke, or Creativity. Though, Remus said he preferred the other two named over 'Creativity' any day.

"I don't think it really sums me up!" Was his explanation, though he didn't give more reason than that. It did nothing to reassure Virgil.

No matter how much he tried to pull away, even if it was to walk beside Remus, he was held onto tightly and the fear of bruises forming settled in the smaller boy's gut much too easily. He wasn't even sure where they were going, and the static in Virgil's mind was enough to block out anything Remus might've said. Which he found out was definitely a plus.

He had learned after the first few minutes of walking with the other, that Remus had a very twisted sense of humor.

"And BOOM!" The shout broke Virgil from the white noise in his head, making him cower even as Remus tugged him forward and onward. "There goes all the little glass shards! Cutting your feet and all the blood making you slip and fall! WOOSH!" Remus laughed.

Virgil silently nodded, the image of falling onto broken glass making him feel queasy. Could you die from blood loss if you had enough glass in your legs? Virgil nearly threw up at the thought of how much blood and smashed vases that would take.

"Well, here we are!"

The smaller boy looked up at the words, looking around in confusion. Only more nothingness, it was like they hadn't traveled anywhere at all. But then he saw mist curling in the distance, clouding the floor in a thick fog that made it impossible to see his own converse or even Remus' lime green crocs.

"A newbie?" A new voice hummed, and the mist dispersed almost instantly. The darkness gave way and revealed the boy attached to the voice, the glinting of scales on his cheeks made Virgil's heart freeze in his chest.

The snake monster.

Before Virgil could try and cower behind Remus he was shoved forward, stumbling until he stood stock still in front of the taller boy. Peering down at him, the boy clad in yellow quirked an eyebrow, lips pursing.

He couldn't have been much older than Remus and Virgil, himself, but the way he carried himself certainly made it feel like he was.

"Remus told you... everything?"

Virgil opened and closed his mouth a few times, a sigh being pulled from the taller male after a few seconds of silence. He shot a glare to the boy behind Virgil, causing him to flinch which in turn turned the glare unto himself.

"I'll put it in the most simple way I can, alright?" He said slowly, each word twisting the smaller boy's stomach into a larger knot and making it feel almost impossible to speak. "I know Remus at least told you that he is... 'Creativity'. I am Deceit. We are all a part of a human boy named Thomas Sanders, and we all play a role in how he acts, reacts, and goes about his life."

Virgil eventually began to nod along as the other spoke, pieces slowly weaving together and falling into place as everything was explained to him in detail, with only the occasional interjection and fright caused by Remus, who was seemingly too bored to bother by the end.

"Now that I've explained who we are and what we do, who-"

"He says he's Anxiety!"

Remus finally said, weaving his way back into the conversation, and Virgil took a chance to look over at him only to scramble away the instant he noticed blood smeared across the mustached boy's face and dripping from his torn out teeth.

Another burst of laughter escaped Remus at the response, and there was a gleam in Deceit's eyes that wasn't there before. Curiosity.

"I see," He murmured, and Virgil found it sickening how unbothered he was by Remus, taking a shaky step back when Deceit reached out to touch him. Deceit didn't seem bothered by that, either. "Anxiety. Fear. You hold a lot of power."

"Power?" Virgil croaked, the idea of having power over Thomas making his lungs feel heavy. Deceit only seemed more curious by Virgil's first spoken response to him.

"Power," He confirmed, clicking his tongue. "Does that idea bother you?"

Virgil didn't have the heart to respond, and he had a feeling Deceit didn't care what his answer was in the end, as he merely hummed. Finally, the taller boy turned on his heel and began to wander off without them. Virgil made the move to follow but was caught by the arm.

Looking back, he saw Remus's face was clear of blood, but the lack of a smile on his face was much more disturbing. That was the first time he had seen the green-clad male look anything less than too chipper.

"I'm going to take over for Patton again," Deceit's voice echoed back, catching Virgil off guard and making him tense. The other didn't look back, however. "Anxiety isn't welcome to our hideout, Remus, so you absolutely shouldn't feel free to give him one of the spare empty rooms."

Virgil opened his mouth to ask Remus what Deceit meant but didn't have a chance to before a squeak left him and he was being dragged away yet again, a forceful smile yet again plastered on the other boy's face.

"You heard him! Let's go set you up in the fear sector, hm? It's far enough away from the lighter area that you shouldn't feel too influenced by them!"

Virgil couldn't process the idea of what Remus was saying, however. He was too focused on the way Deceit's form shifted in the distance, a much too big cardigan covering his arms and the collar of a baby blue shirt appearing like magic.

* * *

No matter how many times Deceit told him through grit teeth that Remus didn't mean to scare him whenever an idea or daydream came into Thomas' head and out of Remus' mouth, it still didn't ease Virgil in the slightest.

Remus might've not meant to but that didn't mean the other's didn't like to see him squirm, didn't like to see him shake into near tears every time they yelled or purposefully spooked him. Virgil was almost 100% sure they did, and he was quite sure Remus accidentally encouraged them from time to time whenever another one of his ideas sprouted up.

So he hid. He didn't like to hide in his room, since the others knew quite well where it was placed in the mindscape, even if it made them antsy to be there. If anything, his trait affecting them made them worse.

He hid elsewhere, typically where 'new sides' showed up.

The subconscious.

It was quiet there, and big enough to hide anywhere or go anywhere and avoid everyone else. Remus hung out there because that's where he was typically pushed to once he started seeping into light territory even the slightest bit, and the others wandered around only to find him.

Deceit was never there. Or usually wasn't, which is why it came as a surprise when Virgil was shaken awake by the scale covered boy. 14 years old now, and Virgil hadn't disappeared like Deceit told him he had expected him to.

"Why are you here? You have a room to sleep in, you know," Deceit said, tone flat and unamused even as Virgil flinched. He was the only one who didn't seem to find pleasure in his reactions. "And don't tell me it was because of Remus, he hasn't seen you all day."

Virgil frowned, slowly pushing himself up to a sitting position next to the still crouching Deceit. Deceit, sensing Virgil wasn't going to answer, grunted in annoyance but didn't get up and walk away like usual, instead shifting to sit down beside him.

Silence curled around the two of them as Virgil pulled his knees up to his chest, letting his giant zip up hoodie pool around him while he chewed on the sleeves. He tried desperately not to look or focus on Deceit's presence beside him but found it hard with how close he was.

Too loud, his brain hissed as he heard Deceit breathe a sigh through his nose. Too much, it screamed when a hand rested on his upper back.

"Anxiety," The snake murmured, finally making it impossible to ignore him. "How do... well, besides Remus, how are the others treating you?"

Virgil blinked in surprise, head slowly turning towards the boy beside him, gut churning as he noticed how blank his expression was. Fear filled him to the brim, dread inching into his heart at the thought of angering Deceit so he stayed silent, shaking his head.

Unfortunately, that seemed to irritate him instead of ward him away.

"Tell me."

Virgil couldn't bring himself to stay silent when those cold words registered, and in an instant he was recounting all of the taunts the other sides had sprung on him throughout the week, all of the scary stories they told to make him fear for Thomas' life, every single jumpscare they had managed to pull off. And Deceit listened.

And as he listened he seemed to grow more and more irritated, but Virgil couldn't stop talking.

Thomas' self-doubt thanks to the other sides only made him more anxious, more him, and definitely more twitchy, so they began to work overtime only to push him. What if Thomas really was a horrible person? What did that mean for him?

"I'm sorry," Deceit's voice finally cut Virgil off, but the words didn't match the irritation on the taller boy's face. It made Virgil dizzy. "If I had known they were doing that... its no wonder my job has more difficult recently."

Virgil stayed quiet, watching as the other boy sighed through his nose, his own breath hitching when an arm curled around him. Deceit pulled him close, a cloak manifesting around the two of them within seconds, and the weight of it made Virgil's heart stop racing.

"Do you know what I do in the light realm, Virgil?"

Hesitating, the anxious side murmured an almost silent 'no', only merely earning a hum from Deceit before he started speaking once more.

"I take over for someone," He began, the words causing Virgil to lift his head. "He's cowardly, my opposite. I may be Deceit, but I also unveil truths as much as I hide them, and right now I'm doing a lot of hiding. My opposite is too scared to face truths or possible truths head-on, and he is too emotional to work with... the others. So, I let him hide, cower as I take his workload and make it my own."

"They don't suspect you?"

The words made the snake take pause before, surprisingly, a chuckle was pulled from him, and also as surprisingly making Virgil's shoulders fall in relief.

"I think you'd be the only one to... after all, you are Anxiety. Without your influence on the sides specifically, they won't know."

Virgil nodded, and slowly the weight of the cloak around his shoulders grew heavier, making his eyes ache with tiredness once again.

So tired... so much work... he needed to conserve his energy if he was to ever encounter the other dark sides again, but Deceit didn't let him pull away.

"Virgil, sleep. If the others appear, I can handle them."

It was a promise, and it was without an ounce of Deceit's usual snide tone when he lied. It was full, it was gentle, and it coaxed the anxious boy to fall asleep with ease.

Subconsciously, in his slumber... he smiled for the first time in ages.

* * *

After that day, Deceit started to be dragged back to the light but didn't abandon Virgil. As he manifested himself into a new form, he made Virgil promise to never show himself before taking him to the other side of the mind.

Virgil could remember the immense amount of warmth that filled his bones, making it hard to breathe up until Deceit's cold hands covered him. It was less strong now, the more and more he joined the taller side whenever he was called upon... it felt better than going back to the dark side and to the subconscious sometimes.

He didn't tell Deceit that though. What if Deceit left him behind again? He knew the light sides were dangerous, selfish and nasty, even worse than the other dark sides according to the snake, but he couldn't bear to be away from Deceit for that long... he didn't want to be alone with them again.

Roman was the least dangerous, Deceit had told him the third time he had taken him over the border. He was like Remus, full of ideas and imagination... he was "The Other Creativity". The idea of another Remus scared Virgil enough that the idea of him being the 'least dangerous' made him all the more fearful to ever encounter the other two.

Logan was next, Logic. He wasn't too dangerous, but he knew best how to ward away the dark sides, how to banish them without thought. It was a power he didn't even seem to realize he had, he was and is a protector rather than a fighter. The word protector resonated within Virgil when he heard it, and it made the knot in his stomach loosen. A protector.

Then... Patton. Deceit claimed Patton to be his opposite, and the idea of someone as calm and forgiving as Deceit having a counterpart that contrasted him in every way made Virgil forget to breathe. Patton was the most dangerous, he was emotional and irrational, wild without supervision. He was the hormonal issues, Thomas' fluctuations between high happy and low depression, every little thing taken personally and jumbled into an unforgiving puzzle of confusion.

Even Logan was having a hard time controlling him, which was why Deceit stepped in and cloaked himself. Deceit wanted to protect Thomas from the truth and from the hidden secrets, to keep him calm, steady, and stable until he could properly sort through his emotions. Virgil found the word protect tugging at his heart again when Deceit mentioned keeping Thomas safe.

Protectors.

"Virgil," Deceit's voice called and the boy looked up from his place near the border, Deceit changed into the slightly too big cardigan and snug blue polo the anxious side had seen in the distance when first meeting the taller side. "You remember the rules?"

"Stay hidden. I can watch if I want but if I start to get scared I have to leave as to not reveal myself. If you call for me, I will come immediately so we can leave."

Deceit smiled, the gentle look making Virgil mirror the action as the other grabbed his hand.

"Come on." He coaxed, and after one... two... three steps, the small wave of heat sunk back into Virgil's heart and filled him as they continued to walk. He felt worries begin to melt off of him like butter on a hot summer day, and before long they were near the living room.

The meeting place.

Deceit turned to Virgil, ruffling his forehead before manifesting the cape the boy had grown to love. "Here, use it if you need it," The snake murmured, handing it to the smaller side who took it eagerly. "Now hide. They're coming."

Virgil could feel it too, the aura of Logic and Creativity. He quickly made his way to the side of the stairs, crouching beside them and willing himself to hide from sight.

When Logan and Roman slid up from the ground, they were none the wiser to the anxious boy's presence, eyes locked onto 'Patton'.

"Ah, I see you've finally returned." Logan said, voice flat and a frown on his face, the cold look in his eye nearly making Virgil shudder. But if Logan nearly made the warmth inside the anxious boy falter, Roman easily stole it from Virgil's lungs.

"Oh back off, student-teacher," He said, his tone enough like Remus' to force Virgil to unwrap the cape and clutch at it tightly. Deceit, seeming to sense Virgil's spike in fear, hurried to step in.

"It's alright, Roman! Logan is just being himself!" Too bright, too fake, is that really what Patton sounded like?

Roman grunted but luckily didn't push further. The three boys continued to talk and bicker, and after a while Virgil found himself feeling... bored. Deceit knew him well enough to keep Roman in constant check and Logan distracted in order to continuously keep his attention, and without the fear of being caught Virgil felt the urge to explore.

He never got too scared to have to leave, so he didn't really know what was up the stairs, what lurked in the kitchen, or even if there was a basement in the mock home.

So... Virgil, standing up and wrapping the cape around himself, did his best to sneak out without alerting Deceit. Or rather, sneak up, making a slow crawl up the stairs and a tight feeling growing in his chest as he neared the top.

Doors. Three right in a row.

One was red, gold and knight aesthetics covered it from head to toe. The sight of a sword and a green ribbon on the corner of the door made Virgil hurry past it without thought.

The next was a lot calmer, a plain white door, but a few stickers still decorated it. They looked picked at, as if someone tried to get them off the door to no avail. "My favorite pie is 3.14" was the largest one, but the least torn and scratched, and the sight made a fond feeling loosen the knot in his chest.

He passed it without much more thought, curiosity winning as he neared the final door. Instantly something began to ache inside him, more warmth, but this hurt almost like the warmth of entering the light sides domain for the first time had. It was a cream-colored door, with plenty of blue accessories decorating it, mostly animal-themed decor like paw prints.

Almost as if compelled by some other force, Virgil approached the door and slowly pressed his hand against it. It creaked open without any force applied, and the anxious side's breath hitched at the sight of a huddled figure on the floor.

Without a thought he charged into the room, ignoring the burning room and hurrying over to the boy and crouching before him.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt? Why are you crying?" Virgil asked, his hands coming to rest on the boy's elbows. He jumped back in surprise when the smaller boy's head snapped up, eyes wide and rimmed with red.

"Who...?" The boy started to croak before seeming to remember his tears and he began to furiously scrub his face with his grey cardigan sleeves. They had to be at least 4 inches past his fingers, absolutely swamping him in fabric. "Sorry, sorry... you shouldn't be worried about me."

Virgil, scrambling for a way to help make the boy feel better, sat up straighter and pushed his cape out of the way to shuffle closer to the other. "I'm Anxiety, it is kind of my job." He promised, seeming to catch the boy by surprise.

"Anxiety?" He murmured, eyes wide before a small smile appeared on his face. "Anxiety...? That's so..."

Virgil, prepared to flinch, was even further taken aback by the boy slowly unraveling himself and lightly grasping for one of his hands.

"Neat! I don't think I've met anyone else really abstract like me or Ro before... it's nice to meet you, Anxiety!"

Virgil fumbled before clearing his throat and nodding slightly. An idea coming to him, he unlatched the cloak from around him and pulled away from the boy in front of him in order to sling the item around the other's shoulders, the burning inside him choking him further.

He continued to ignore it.

"What's this?" The boy asked after inspecting the cloak for a few seconds, seeming to slump underneath the object. "It's... nice..."

"It's weighted," Virgil murmured as an explanation before clearing his throat in hopes to ignore the tight hot feeling coiling around his lungs. "It helps calm me down, lets me think... when I get too... emotional I'll put it on and... yeah."

The boy's smile appeared yet again, making the ache in Virgil only worsen, and he snuggled deeper under the cloak. "That... thank you so much, Anxiety... the other sides don't really understand how overwhelming emotions can be sometimes... it's nice to have someone who understands."

Before the anxious boy could respond he felt his body tense as he felt it, the tug, and heard Deceit's voice. The boy in front of him seemed to grow tense as well, smile dropping entirely.

"Anxiety? Where are you?"

"Go," The boy murmured. "I... go, before he sees me."

Virgil opened his mouth but he felt the tug again and with shaking limbs pushed himself up, fingers quivering as he nodded and wobbled back to the exit. He stopped on the threshold between the door and the hallway when he heard the boy speak again. "Wait..."

Virgil turned to look back at him, breath catching when he saw the boy's eyes glint and a new, softer smile appear on his lips. "Come back again whenever you can... look for Morality."

The anxious side was dumbstruck for a few seconds before he gave a firm nod and fumbled the rest of the way out of the room, the door swinging shut without anyone touching it.

Morality.

* * *

"Deceit?" Virgil murmured, catching the taller boy's attention and hearing him hum as the cold settled into him once again the deeper they walked back into the dark zone. "Who is... Morality?"

Deceit's expression grew cold, his smile falling and distantly Virgil felt the cold inside him grow only stronger, his fingers flexing against the snake's hand. "I heard some of the others talking about him... is he-"

"Virgil," The taller side said sharply, making Virgil's mouth snap shut without prompting, Deceit's hand raised as he stared a hole into him. "Stay away from Morality. If you know what's best for you and your health as a dark side, you will stay with me when we enter the light zone region from now on."

The hold on the anxious boy's tongue released, but before he could speak Deceit was holding him close. "He could have seriously hurt you... god forbid if you entered his room, it could have overwhelmed and destroyed you if you're not careful."

The words made a hold in Virgil's stomach grow and Deceit sighed, pushing the smaller side's hood down to card his fingers through his hair.

"Virgil... Morality is Patton."

But... that couldn't be right, Virgil thought. Deceit's 'Patton' acted nothing like the Morality that hid out in the too-hot room. Deceit's 'Morality' was cold, too tall, clothes too snug, eyes dead, no freckles. Patton seemed so genuine, so kind, so...

"I'm so glad you're okay," Deceit murmured, breaking the smaller male from his thoughts, and before he knew it Virgil was enveloped in a gentle hug. "God... if I had known..."

Virgil didn't say anything as he let Deceit continue to hug him, staring out into the void of the subconscious.

Was that boy the anxious side just met... really the monster Deceit said he was?

**Author's Note:**

> Cliffhanger!! I hope you guys all enjoyed the first half of this story and I'm already writing the second half after I post this!
> 
> Kudos are appreciated and feel free to leave comments and critique! I'd love to hear your thoughts guys!!
> 
> Have a good day!


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